Creative Aging: How to Start Writing Your Memories
“I write because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.” —Flannery O’Connor
Last week I wrote about why we should write our memories. This week we will look at how to do that. I think the reason many of us don’t write about our lives is that the project seems overwhelming. Writing 100 to 200 pages is an insurmountable rocky mountain that we need to climb barefoot. When we face a blank page, terror strikes.
That fear is common—even among professional writers. When I sit down to start writing, suddenly I feel thirsty. I get a drink of water. Then I realize I need to check my email. I clean my email inbox. Then Facebook calls. . . . I keep procrastinating until I pretend to tie myself to my chair, open the computer to my writing program, and type that first sentence. Other writers may write that first sentence with a pen or pencil. And once that first sentence or two is on paper, writing is more doable than our fears seem to indicate.
One process that helps to overcome the fear of the blank page is freewriting. To freewrite we set a timer for 10 minutes and simply type or write whatever pops into our mind next. You could even dictate it using text-to-speech software. If that first thought is, “I can’t think of anything to write,” we simply write that sentence. If our back itches, we write about that. The only rule for freewriting is that we keep the words flowing. It doesn’t have to be profound or organized. It doesn’t even need to make sense. We are just practicing putting words on paper. The freewriting exercise has helped many of my writing students overcome their fear of a blank page.
While freewriting, we need to give ourselves permission to make errors. At this stage we don’t worry about spelling, grammar, or punctuation. The goal is simply to put a stream of words on paper. I like to imagine I am locking my editor self into a closet and not letting her out until a later stage in the writing process. I tell her that her turn will come, but that turn is not now, and then I turn the key in the lock. I don’t listen to her no matter how much she whines or shouts.
If you are a perfectionist when you write, deliberately make two errors in the first couple of sentences. Then you’ve already made some errors, so more won’t matter! You’ve already demonstrated you can move forward despite imperfection.
Another way to overcome the fear of the huge mountain of writing about your entire life is to create an outline of some incidents in each decade of your life, and then choose one of them to write about. Write about a small piece of the puzzle. And when you’ve created enough puzzle pieces you can figure out how to put them together.
If creating an outline is too intimidating, you might want to try writing the answers in guide books that ask you specific questions about your life and provide space for you to answer. In your computer’s search engine, type “life story journal with prompts” and many options will pop up. These books have the advantage of breaking your story into manageable bits, but sometimes they don’t allow enough space for a longer story.
If you want more freedom, but need questions to get you started, search the term “memoir writing prompts” and lots of pages with questions to spark writing will be available to you. You can choose the questions that spark a memory and start there.
Another way to get started is to find and gather information. In writing a memoir, we need not rely totally on our memories. We can go through old diaries, old pictures, old news clippings, and family scrap books. We can also question our siblings—and any previous-generation relatives who are still living.
When I was working on my memoir, I interviewed a ninety-year-old uncle, and he remembered lots of details about the farm on which he and my mother grew up and their activities as children. He also had several memories of my grandmother which provided insight into her life as the mother of eleven children. He had memories of my great-grandfather, who lived with my grandparents after he was widowed.
Many of us live with myths about writing that make writing more difficult. Below are some common myths and the truth about each of them:
Myth: You have to write Chapter 1 first. Fact: You can start anywhere and reorder the pieces later.
Myth: You have to write it right the first time. Fact: Almost everything you read was rewritten and edited several times.
Myth: You have to write every detail of your life. Fact: You can choose to focus on just part of your life, such as your childhood. Or you can cover the important and memorable parts of your entire life.
Myth: You have to be a really good writer to do this. Fact: Your story will be treasured because you wrote it, not because of your writing qualifications.
Myth: You have to be inspired when you write. Fact: You have to be disciplined to write. You glue yourself to the chair and start putting down words whether you are inspired at the moment or not.
So, if you eventually get 100 to 200 pages on paper and you are ready for the next step, what do you do? I will answer that question in the next column.
Adapted from Creative Aging by Carol Van Klompenburg, published 2023, available from Amazon and for Pella-area residents at Pella Books, the Curiosity Shop, or directly from Carol. Carol has an MA in theater arts and is available for reading performances of her writing on aging, moments in her gardens, memories, and other topics.