Creative Aging: The Care and Feeding of Your Soul
“We are taught more how to care for our cars than how to care for our souls.” —Chaplain Kevin Glesener
“How is it with your soul?” Chaplain Kevin Glesener asked a group of Vermeer Corporation employees who were approaching retirement. Glesener was teaching a class “The Care and Feeding of Your Soul” as part of Vermeer’s series “Equipped for Life.” I was given permission to attend as a writer.
Glesener told the seminar group that he was speaking from a Christian worldview. In their self-introductions, the group members indicated that they all were people of faith as well.
“We cannot have an impactful life with an impoverished soul,” said Glesener. “Soul neglect leads to broken relationships, unsatisfied desires, and chronic discontent. Consequently, a healthy soul is crucial to our well-being. . . . Soul care centers and roots you.”
In a subsequent interview, Glesener explained centering and rooting. “We were created in the image of God. Centering and rooting our soul bring us back to our authentic self and purpose. These are unique for each of us—as unique as our fingerprints.”
In the seminar, he told the group that soul care is crucial for finding peace in the third stage of life. Soul care has three parts—getting things settled with God, settled with life, and settled with people.
He urged the group, first of all, to be present and keep current with God. How? “By spending time,” he said. He added that there is value to being part of a church. “Being part of a worshiping community keeps open the channel of communication with God. There is value to habit and ritual.”
During the interview he added that personal meditation time is also crucial. He and his wife rise early each morning to read the Bible, respond to it, and pray together.
Second, Glesener advised seminar attendees to make adjustments to this new stage of life. Leaving employment is a significant loss, and we need to take time to acknowledge that loss. Our sense of self-worth is tied to what we do. Glesener said he cried when he left the church he had pastored for 15 years. “If you push the grief aside, it will come out in strange ways.” Among those ways are irritability, depression, and overreaction.
Retirement parties are an important ritual for bringing a sense of closure and helping us make the transition. Turning down a retirement party is not a wise choice.
Glesener cited the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) as also relevant to grieving the loss of employment. These do not necessarily occur in orderly sequence; we may bounce around back and forth among them. This later stage of life is a time of other griefs as well, including the eventual loss of family members and friends.
Regardless of the loss, it is important to grieve well and to give ourselves permission to experience the multiple feelings that accompany loss.
Third, he advised making time for relationships with others. The third stage of life is your final chance to strengthen and mend relationships. Citing “The Four Things That Matter Most,” by Ira Byock, he recommended using four phrases in mending and building relationships:
-I love you.
-Thank you.
-Forgive me.
-I forgive you.
He said that Byock’s book is often recommended reading for hospice patients and their families, but he recommends it highly for retirement reading as well. The four phrases are as important in the third phase of life as they are during a terminal illness.
Glesener distributed a list of 50 ways to nourish your soul. My ten favorites from his list are:
-Sit quietly in a room and pray or meditate (just listen). Listen for the God whisper.
-Breathe! Take deep breaths several times a day. It can be relaxing.
-Take a class in an area you are interested in or want to know more about.
-Take time to call, contact, or visit a loved one. Tell them how much you appreciate them. Bring them a gift.
-Sit outside in a really dark place with very little background light and just look at the stars and the Milky Way.
-Go to an inspiring movie or play.
-Do at least one unselfish, unnoticed act of kindness for a complete stranger.
-Plan your funeral.
-Go on a drive with no plan or destination in mind. See where the car takes you.
-Go through an old photo album or scrapbook and share memories. Tell stories with a spouse, kids, or grandkids.
If you would like the complete list, you can email me to request it. Glesener gave me permission to pass it on to others.
As he closed the meeting, Glesener encouraged those approaching retirement to make a plan for soul care. “Ask yourself, ‘What would I like to focus on to help my soul flourish in stage three?’ Even in retirement it is wise to have a plan and goals—especially for something as important as the care and feeding of our souls.”
Adapted from Creative Aging by Carol Van Klompenburg, published 2023, available from Amazon and for Pella-area residents directly from Carol. Carol has an MA in theater arts and is available for reading performances of her writing on aging, moments in her gardens, and other topics.