How Divides Increase: Sorting Leads to Othering
Journey in Search of Bridges #8
On October 18, 2025, 175 residents of Pella, Iowa, rallied in our Central Park for Pella’s first-ever No Kings rally. They chatted and chanted as they walked around the town square. Across the street, a handful of people stood staring and frowning. A reporter for the online periodical Slate, who stood among them, overheard words like “disgusting” and “disrespectful,” along with some unprintable terms. I suspect some of those bystanders had taken a step beyond mere sorting; they were othering, the second letter in SOS. (The previous column on sorting can be found here.)
Some of us move beyond our geographical and cultural sorting to a tribal mentality and begin othering. Our respect for our own tribe grows, and our respect for those outside our tribe shrinks. We begin to consider them less worthy and to view them with dislike or hatred. We may even begin to view them as fundamentally different or less than fully human. This othering happens among both Republicans and Democrats.
As people become more tribal, they begin to see political opponents as all the same — identical extremists. They consider the other side to be lying, misinformed and a threat to our country.
That’s a dismal description, I know, but it’s backed by data. Pew Research data indicate that in 1964 only 30% of respondents reported cold feelings toward the other party. In a 2019 survey, those cold feelings in both parties had risen to about 80%.
Many of us experience growing political tensions in our family relationships, and I am among them. Traditionally, members of my extended family are avid debaters, but for the past five years or so, we have agreed that any discussion about politics is off-limits. If one of us strays in that direction, we clear our throats or furrow our brows and say, “We don’t go there.” The line-crossing ends. I suspect bridges with family members may be the most difficult to build.
In sorted neighborhoods or groups, sometimes without even thinking about it, the majority group begins to voice their negative feelings about the other tribe or a member of the other tribe — either triggering a heated discussion or causing someone else to fall silent. People with minority opinions often listen quietly to these othering members of the majority. One such minority member confided to me recently, “I value my relationships more than stating my opinion. So I choose to be quiet.”
Silence is wise in some cases, but not always. Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, a non-partisan global think tank, finds that tribal othering is not good for our country. When we can disagree without endangering a relationship, we are helping to reduce our othering.
My research has taught me there are gentle ways to differ. Two of many examples I’ve discovered are: 1) If possible, begin by stating agreement with a part of what you just heard. If you can’t do that, use a tiny transition statement such as “I hear you” or “I understand what you say.” Then make an I-statement about your personal viewpoint such as “Personally, I also consider the fact that…” or “I think it’s possible to see that a bit differently. I…” 2) If the person is emotional, and you’re not comfortable challenging an issue, you can try a question about the feeling: “I can hear how [frustrated/angry/bothered/let-down] you are. Could you tell me what’s causing you to feel that way?”
Braver Angels’ website urges us to reduce tribalism and othering even when when talking with like-minded people. Its pages identify fear, ridiculing, contempt and stereotyping as the “four horsemen of polarization.” If you are discussing politics with one or more like-minded people, and a member expresses disdain for the other side, you can help shrink polarization through your response.
I have found helpful response models like these: 1) “I know we care about this a lot. Could we just talk about this in a way that doesn’t write off everyone on the other side?” 2) “What would our conversation sound like if we assumed most people on both sides are acting in good faith, even if they’re wrong?”
What do our broad-brush stereotypes of people who lean the other direction include? Stereotypes of right-leaning people include being racists, Christian nationalists, greed-driven corporate capitalists, dangerous authoritarians and globe-endangering climate change deniers. Oversimplifications of left-leaning people include being elitist socialists, radicals pushing “woke” agendas, reckless spendthrifts and unpatriotic globalists who prioritize foreign agendas. Watching some of Braver Angels’ e-courses helped me to recognize my stereotyping of people whose views differ from mine.
Most American citizens are far more moderate than these stereotypes. In a 2024 Gallup poll, only 24% of Republicans identified themselves as very conservative. Only 13% of Democrats identified themselves as very liberal. And only 55% of U.S. adults are registered members of a party! If we respect each other and talk with each other, we may discover we are less divided than we think.
So far, I have found three other avenues for conversation when I eventually felt ready, and those conversations have been comfortable and informative. My congregation has launched an adult Sunday school class using the book “One Anothering” from the Colossian Forum. The book provides an excellent framework for considerate and honest sharing. I’ve also attended a Braver Angels online meeting with strangers, and and subsequently attended a Braver Angels South Central Iowa Alliance meeting. Both meetings were cordial and informative.
I’ve begun one-on-one conversations with two acquaintances whom I respect and who are people of goodwill. I suggested to each we begin meeting for political conversations. We chose a topic, read up on it, talked for an hour and then agreed to meet monthly. Sometimes we have been surprised by our level of agreement. One caution: in our one-on-one conversations, my partners and I started with too much focus on differences.
I discovered that the three organizations I’ve used — Braver Angels, Colossian Forum and Living Room Conversations —suggest that early on we look for common ground. Although we gradually discovered common ground, I wish my conversation partners and I had begun with that focus.
In my brief journey so far, I have discovered more agreement than I expected. Perhaps many U.S. citizens are less polarized than we believe we are.
Coming up in the next column is the third letter in SOS: siloing.
Carol Van Klompenburg is a columnist, author and speaker from Pella, Iowa. More information about her work is at www.carolvanklompenburg.com. Readers can email her at info@carolvanklompenburg.com.