On Fatigue and Grandchildren
“Fatigue is the best pillow.” —Benjamin Franklin
Our grandson Caleb, age nine, spent last week with us. His parents requested that he attend an evening Vacation Bible School program at a local church during his visit, and we agreed.
“Great!” Marlo said. “That will give us a break toward the end of the day. We will probably need it.”
“Sure!” I said, thinking not of my energy level, but of Caleb’s potential boredom. Marlo sometimes had talked about having a lower energy level than in his younger years. I had never said something similar. I hadn’t noticed any diminishing energy level.
Caleb did not get bored. At his request, we played Trash and Flinch (his two favorite card games), along with Sorry and croquet. He also requested a couple of visits to the local library. We took day trips to Living History Farms and the Iowa Science Center in Des Moines.
Together, he and Marlo built and flew a kite. They went to a park together. Caleb helped us prune and organize the toy shelves. He and I took the baby toys to a thrift store, then shopped there for replacements.
Marlo and I tag-teamed some of the responsibilities. Marlo rested while I took Caleb shopping. I did the same while they built the kite together. I tried to write during my breaks. I could not string two sentences together.
After an hour of playing Trash, my focus waned, and I made errors in judgment that left me concerned about dementia. After three games of croquet in the hot sun, I suggested going indoors for a snack—not mentioning I wanted to sit and rest. At the library, while Caleb hunted for graphic novels and Garfield books, I sat in an easy chair, telling myself I had lots of unread books on my shelves at home.
The night after croquet in the sun, I slept 11 hours. Marlo took the morning shift.
My frequent fatigue took me by surprise. I wondered if I had some horrible, undiagnosed disease. I decided to google “fatigue and older adults.”
I learned as we age, activities become more tiring. The reason: We lose muscle mass and strength. Our muscles also become less flexible. By age 70, many people have lost 30 percent of their muscle mass. Our lack of energy even has an official name—“anergia.”
I met myself in this statement by aging expert Helen Dennis: “For some reason, it seems difficult for some of us to admit we are tired.” I had experienced episodes of tiredness before Caleb’s visit, but had denied their increasing frequency. I had counted lying on the couch using my smartphone as an activity, not resting.
Dennis pointed out fatigue was seen in a positive light in medieval times, as a sign that someone had reached their limit and needed a rest.
After industrialization, with the need for untiring factory workers, fatigue began to carry a stigma. More recently, concerns about mental fatigue surfaced with the need for ongoing alertness in such jobs as piloting and operating radar.
The experts agreed having less energy as we age is a common complaint.
However, ongoing, incessant fatigue that lasts more than a few weeks might have causes other than aging. It might be time to consult with our health care provider. Causes might include
- Medications we are taking,
- Heart or lung problems.
- Anxiety, or depression
- Shortage of key nutrients
- Chronic pain
- Dehydration
- Sleep apnea
Our health care provider can help determine if our fatigue needs medical intervention.
For normal, intermittent fatigue, experts recommend the familiar list of healthy habits.
- Get regular exercise
- Eat a healthy diet, high in vegetables, fruits, and lean protein.
- Avoid too many carbohydrates
- Stay hydrated.
- Reduce stress
- Have a regular sleep routine
- Don’t view electronic screens before bedtime.
Caleb left two days ago, and my energy levels have returned to their pre-visit levels. But there is one change. I am willing to admit that my stamina is less than it was 30 or 40 years ago. I hope the lesson lasts.
I may forget.
At the end of Caleb’s visit, as he was leaving with his parents, he leaned forward and said through the car window. “Thanks, Grandpa and Grandma. I had a really good time at your house.” Then he smiled and waved goodbye.
His words were sufficient payment for every second of fatigue in the previous week.
Those words I will not forget.
Adapted from Creative Aging by Carol Van Klompenburg, published 2023, available from Amazon and for Pella-area residents directly from Carol. Carol has an MA in theater arts and is available for reading performances of her writing on aging, moments in her gardens, and other topics.