The Benefits of Writing Your Story

“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.” —Lois Lowry

Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

As a writer, I often hear remarks like this: “My children/grandchildren want me to write my memories for them.” If the speaker is someone younger than I am, they often say, “I wish my parents/grandparents would write about their lives for us.”

Almost as often, I hear statements of regret, “My kids want me to write about my life, but I can’t seem to get started on it.” After parents/grandparents have died, their descendants say, “If only we had a record of their lives. There’s so much we don’t know.”

My husband’s great-grandfather left a record for future generations without really intending to. An immigrant to the United States in the 1800s, he wrote a record of his experiences, not for future generations, but for his peers in the Netherlands who were considering emigrating. He wrote it, of course, in Dutch. But a grandchild recognized its value for descendants, had it translated into English, and ran off mimeographed copies for his family. I later edited the document and published it as the book “My America” by E.J.G. Bloemendaal. Scores of his descendants have since ordered it from Amazon and enjoyed learning about his life as a farmer in the Midwest in the 19th century.

E.J.G. accomplished what many of us fail to do because he had a reason to write. We don’t have the same reason to write as he did, but we have many other good reasons to write the memories of our lives.

One is to leave a record of our lives as a legacy for those who come later. Perhaps there are stories we don’t want to be lost. Perhaps there are values and advice we would like to pass on. I just finished editing a manuscript for a woman who wanted to share her Christian faith with future generations. She shared stories of both the hard and the happy moments in her life, and concluded her writing with this advice which she had mentioned several times in her writing: “Stand up! Stand strong! But kneel first.”

Writing our memories is not something to do solely for future generations, however. It is also something we can do for ourselves. Perhaps when we realize this double reason for writing about our lives, it will kindle in us the fire to write the stories within us.

For many, writing about our lives provides the pleasure of remembering. That pleasure is good for us. Studies have shown reminiscing can ease depression and lower blood pressure. But even without the health benefit, it is just plain fun. Especially pleasant, I think, is writing the memories of our early years and young adulthood. Those are the memories that are clearest to us and the memories which interest our children and grandchildren the most.

Once we start jotting down memories of times gone by, we find one memory leads to another, and we gradually remember more and more details. What our dog’s fur felt like, the sound of his high-pitched bark. How the doctor’s office smelled as we waited an hour for an appointment to have our tonsils checked. So, writing down our memories can increase our memory bank and increase our pleasure as well.

In writing the story of our lives we also clarify our understanding of it. In the opening of his memoir “Looking Back,” my husband Marlo wrote he could be golfing, practicing music, woodworking, or playing gin, but instead he was writing. Why? “It will help me recall my experiences and perhaps give me new perspectives on my life.” (He went on to say he was also writing to leave a record.)

Part of that new perspective on the past can be the healing of old wounds. The first version of my memoir “Child of the Plains” included my venting about childhood pain. It included pages of self-pity and anger that would be of no use to future generations. However, they were of use to me. Writing helped me heal some childhood wounds. That version of the memoir languished on my computer for four years. Then I was ready to write a version which had readers in mind instead of being simply for my own therapy.

Some people don’t try to write their stories because they think they are not good enough writers. But memories written for future generations do not have to be great literature. Future readers will value it, whatever its literary level. Knowing it will be valued might help you get started writing.

Even though we know the many good reasons for writing our life stories, we still may be stopped by simply not knowing how to do it. That “how” will be the topic of next week’s column.

Adapted from Creative Aging by Carol Van Klompenburg, published 2023, available from Amazon and for Pella-area residents at Pella Books, the Curiosity Shop, or directly from Carol. Carol has an MA in theater arts and is available for reading performances of her writing on aging, moments in her gardens, memories, and other topics.